Surprise its Monday

Who can say they enjoy Monday's... I know I can't!!! Its always the same thing at work, you talk to the people you don't necessarily want to, being nice, "how was your weekend?"  Honestly people i really don't care, if I wanted to know then I probably would have called you, facebooked you, texted you, whatever form of communication i wanted to you, I would not have waited until Monday morning.  AND please stop talking to me before i have my morning coffee. Today brought a little bit of a surprise to me.  I got called into the mangers office. I remember being a teenager and being called to the principles office and you get that same feeling, a gut wrench, a feeling like you have to run to the bathroom, the quick scan of the brain... oh god what have I done lately do be called in to the office for a CLOSED door meeting.???? Well it actually turns out that all my hard work these past couple of years hasn't slipped by and people actually noticed, I was offered a position with in the company, still being a supervisor, just not with the call center anymore.  I would be the supervisor of all the pharm techs in the company and work more closely with the pharmacy and the pharmacist himself.  I was told to think about it, but as long as they had my answer by the end of the day....  OMG what am I going to do?  Ok call Ryan and tell him everything, he says go for it. Then i get the  big smile from Shannon... she knows, but how i have only been out of  the office for less then 10 minutes and I haven't had a chance to tell her.  Well Sonia(a manager) talks very loud and needless to say she heard everything, we meet in the bathroom like an episode of Big Brother, secretly wait until everyone leaves and we whisper and quietly as we can, I tell her everything( as I always do) and she tells me her concerns, I think more, ask more questions about the job.  Time is ticking and i can tell they are waiting for my answer.  Thinking to myself , its always better to discuss work on an full stomach, i go to lunch, walk around for a bit, then I meet with Sonia and let her know that I am going to accept the new position, which i find out starts on Monday....WHAT, so soon.  Man its going to weird telling everyone at work that an leaving the call center, but SEE YA SUCKERS, done with your drama, and on to more.  I am sure i will have more interesting stories... hopefully and if not i will visit the call center and hear the stories of the young ones just to make me laugh again.

Shannon, thank you for being a bestie, you always know whats best and when I am ever in doubt you always pull through, there are days at work that I know I could never survive with out you .  You have a heart of gold, a personality of a bitch and a sense of a mean girl and I love you for every piece of it.  You truly are a great friend, and I thank myself for allowing you in to my life...( and you allowing me in to yours).

Ryan and I at Shannon and Ken's Wedding!!

Opening People's Eye's

There are some of you out there that
know our whole story, some a little and some people have know idea. I am not
here to make you feel sorry for us, but with everything happening I want to
make people aware and open some people eyes to their ignorance.
Ryan and I have been together now
for just over 7 years and happily married for 6 of those years. Things have
always gone very smoothly for us until we started discussing our future and
wanting to start a family. Ryan was 23 when we got married and I was 29, and my
clock started to tick tock very loud in my ear, so loud that Ryan and I wanted
to start our family right away. Time after time we hear of our friends getting
pregnant and wondering and crying when it was our turn and asking god, why us, it
was time to do something about it , So We made an appointment with our family
Dr, as I wasn't a person to get my period on a regular basis. After talking to
the Dr. he said to give it 6 months and see if anything happens on our own. We
explained to the Dr. that we had never used any protection and this has been
going on for over a year already. He quickly agreed to send us to a
OBGYN.
We left there both excited to get the ball rolling and make our
dreams come true. When we met with Dr. Pederson we were bombarded with question
after question....why you are here, do you have kids.... Blah blah, she decided
that it was time start the testing. It all started with hormones and ever else
under the sun. . She sent Ryan for a seman test to make sure his count was
normal, When the results came back, she had noticed that I had a low count for
my estrogen and some other hormones, with Ryan his count was ok not bad but not good. A little
discouraged we moved on and started 13 months of Clomid. Every month I would
have to take a pill for 5 days to help me ovulate and we are on strict orders
to have sex on certain days on the cycle. Two weeks after my period end I would
go for a blood test to make sure I ovulated. 12 out of the 13 months I
ovulated, and the one month I didn't it was time for my first pregnancy test,
thinking to yourself, could this be is, already this was quick. Playing the 24
hour waiting game wanting those results, and finally they we in, and it was
negative. A little sad and ready to move on we started. After a couple more
months of this, Dr. Pederson decides its time to check me for blocked fallopian
tubes (I have to go and have a die inserted into my uterus and made my tubes
glow through x-rays)to make sure that there were there were
No tears, and the test came back clears and fine and the
next surgical test was for endometriosis. I was booked Feb 14 to go and what a
day to spend
Valentines Day. So as they day went on I went under the
knife to see if this was the problem, after being in surgery for over an hour,
and still under, the Dr. came out of surgery, looked right at Ryan and
said "Sherri is all fine and clear of endometriosis, so its your fault you
guys aren't getting pregnant.Not knowing of this for a couple of days as
I was on bed rest with Ryan by my side, helping me walk, roll over in bed and
doing everything that a normal person does everyday, Ryan finally told me what
the Dr had said and at this point I didn't know what to do or say
as Ryan was upset and depressed thinking he was the reason. The Dr called to
say that she was going to refer us to a fertility clinic in Vancouver.

Feeling down and out

So many things have been running through my head lately, it seems to be taking a toll on my personality as some people have noticed that I have been “different” this past week, so its time to blog and get some things off my chest, as it’s a way for me to vent

I try everyday to be the best person I can be, best employee, best friend, best sister, best wife.  There are some days where it just seems I can’t do anything right and I am not the type of person to sit there and discuss my feelings I have a really bad habit of holding them in and thinking that I can handle it all on my own, them it bubbles and over flows and I just gets out of control

I know that money is  always an issue with family, I remember as a kid my parents even fighting about money, but unfortunately is something that is a huge part of life.  I guess what really set me off this time is realizing that when I opened up a bill that I pay $100 every month, isn’t making a dent in what we own on it…. BUDGET TIME!!!!!!!!!

I sat and worked on a budget for about an hour, figuring out where our money goes, how much is spent daily and where I can apply this extra money.. extra money what extra money.  I mentioned to Ryan that there are some things that we need we need to cut in half, like eating out at restaurants, Tim Horton visits, and random crap that we buy.   Well all hell broke loose, we got into this huge fight, and all of a sudden I become the bad guy

I can’t take the fighting and I retreat to my room with my computer and sit on face book, and I am accused of being childish, and running away from the problem, and I point fingers, and then the kicker gets yelled at me…. “ ALL THE DEBIT IS IN MY NAME, SO WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT”!!!!   Ok Yes the debit is in your name but I am the sole the reason for it all, and all the stupid fertility treatments we had to go through, all because we want to have a baby.  Well that same night we had a friend come over and had to act all happy and like nothing was wrong, so once again our money issues were pushed to the side and forgotten. Still sitting in debit, not knowing what to do

There is also the main thing that tends to bring me down every once and a while…. The whole baby issue.  Some people know, some people don’t.  I find it really hard to answer when people ask “ why don’t you and Ryan have any kids”…. ( to make a long story, which I will share one day, short) Well let’s see, I don’t have a “normal” body and there for cannot have kids naturally.  I shouldn’t say I don’t have a normal body, I just don’t ovulate, there for cannot get pregnant, so we have spent close to $60,000 on fertility drugs and treatments, to leave us with,, debit, mixed feelings, upsetting news every time a procedure doesn’t work, and of course a GREAT BIG GIANT HOLE IN  MY HEART !!!!!.. ( ok I can’t write about this now, I am at work and don’t need to explain why I am sitting at my desk crying, so I will continue this story very soon)

Work is another thing that is keeping at limbo these days, I try and not let things bother me, but sometimes it just seems that no matter what there are things going on.  Yes I finally got my yearly review and that was great, but now it just seems that because they( the managers) know that if they ask me to do something I will do it, well now everything is being piled on to my plate while others are sitting back and watching me do the work.  I don’t want to say anything cause that not me, I will just do it to avoid the drama, and let me tell you …. This office should have its own soap opera, there is so much drama, back stabbing, sabotaging , it’s just ridiculous.  I mean come on, really you’re going to go to the manager and say something, because the one time I dropped the f’in ball and didn’t do something, cause I was busy doing other crap all day, go ahead, douche bag I can’t wait to you leave and I don’t need to see your acne scarred, UGLY face anymore.  Grrr you piss me off !!!!...There is nothing more annoying then someone, who is your"equal" telling you how to do your job, when in fact in my eyes and I am happy with the way my team is preforming, hence why i loke my monthly bonus, maybe you should look at your team and why you always complain about your bonus...IDIOT

I just don’t know what to say  or do anymore, I think I just need a good ol’cry one day, today maybe the day.  I sometimes feel I can’t talk to Ryan, cause he will just get mad ( see above storey about money), I don’t want to bother my friends, they have their own stress balls to worry about, I don’t want to talk to my siblings as its really none of their business.  Oh well, we will see what’s in store me